Throughput III 
Proud, Thoughtful, Annoyed, Normal
User:Ashley (allsorts46)
location [?]:BH15 1NQ
Mood:uncomfortable
Music:Electric Soft Parade - Silent To The Dark
Tuesday 20th of January, 2009
06:02 AM
Today (well, yesterday - Monday) was the second day of my 'weekend'. I managed to do what I failed to do last week, and worked six days supervising running Vantage, this time including both Friday and Saturday night, so I took Sunday and Monday off. Once again, it all went well. There are two distinct recurring bugs that I've seen, one connection-related and one not. Both are annoying to the operators but neither are critical - they're still high priority, but don't actually break anything. Having some performance issues on a couple of the machines, but it's not hard to see why; I don't remember the reason for it, but most of the operator computers seem to have between 128MB and 256MB of RAM. CaliHQ2 was alright with that, but Vantage caches a lot of information in memory to reduce communication with the server and easily exceeds that amount. I could turn the cache size limits down, but I'd rather upgrade the hardware if possible.

I've lost count of the usage hours, but it's been running reliably for some time now, and processed around 10,000 orders (including deliveries, pickups, and the tills). The most stressful part of it all has been dealing with one particular operator. She gets so upset over the tiniest issues, most of which she causes herself, and abuses the mouse in ways I've never seen. She also somehow managed to get into an argument with Graham when she had a problem and demanded he fix it for her, and he didn't know how - she made some speech about how he was there to help and should do what he's being paid for. Err... no, he's there to work for me, as a programmer. Vantage is my responsibility, and though I try my best to help with any issues they discover, problems will still exist. I got very annoyed with her attitude that suggested it was somehow all about her, that I'd put bugs in the software deliberately just to piss her off. Making comments like "it's not what we need on a Friday night, is it?". No, it's not, I'm aware of that thanks. I don't need your pointless observations. I can do you job. Can you do mine?

Still related to work, yet on a completely different subject, I find myself attracted someone there, and this actually bothers me. Whilst it's probably more likely that this is 'typical' and I have been unusual so far, I've... never had this before, and I don't want it now. I've never had petty 'crushes' on anybody before. Even at school I was never particularly interested in anybody, and since then I've always been committed to one person at a time and whilst I am I just don't see anybody else. Now in just this last month or two I've felt attracted to two people I barely know anything about. It seems silly that I'm even noting this, but it's... unfamiliar to me, and I really don't like it. It seems so shallow, knowing that it's based on so little.

I've also been having... trouble supressing my anger about certain recent events and their related history. I really wish Shanna hadn't come last week, and I'd found another way to send her mail and her files from the computer without having to see her. It keeps harassing me, especially when I'm trying to sleep. Any small connection is enough to trigger a memory, and it gets to the point of rage in seconds. I actually wish for her to suffer, and that seriously worries me. I want her to know how angry I am, I want her to feel guilt, reget, to doubt herself. but I know that the reality is that she just doesn't care at all, and that is what's keeping it going. I don't know how to let it go, other than wait for it to fade with time. Again.

We're probably leaving this house in August. I think Graham is keen on leaving now, but the tenancy agreement is due for renewal too soon, so we'll be staying for another six months. I don't really want to go, but I can't afford to keep this place by myself, and he wants to remove the financial pressure so he can concentrate more on university and not have to worry about working enough to pay the bills. It won't be a problem - both of us can go back to our parents, myself temporarily whilst I look for another flat of my own. The idea of staying there is slightly tempting for a moment - it would be a lot cheaper, and let me save up some money, but I don't want to go back to living in someone else's house again. It's just not the same. Still, I might do that for a few months at least, with the aforementioned aim of getting some money together. Anyway, it's a long way off. Six months is a long time these days.

Rachel's coming again in the summer, which I'm happy about, and she also managed to get a ticket to the moved Counting Crows concert, so we can all go together. Seems we have quite a few of us now actually: myself, Graham, Connor, Rachel and Graham's parents are all going. Should be great.

As for today itself, I didn't do much. I was tired having stayed up all morning watching Voyager, and tried to sleep through the afternoon but Nicky kept waking me up by calling and telling me things that really weren't urgent and could have waited. Got up about 6pm and had a bath, which I really wanted, but kind of changed the day. Before the bath I felt ready to get up and do something, but afterwards I just felt relaxed and not wanting to be active. For a about five minutes this morning, I also felt in the mood to write in my diary, but it didn't last long enough to start. I'm still hoping I'll get the feeling for a decent period of time soon; it's a very specific mood, anything else just doesn't work. I'll find a way to get there. Suppose I'll get a little sleep now though. G'night.

Comments...
 
Subject:None
User:vicstaroonie (vicstaroonie)
Date:Wednesday, 28th January, 2009 04:24 pm
Options:Reply | Thread
Firstly, I just wanna say, when you start talking about your job, I just have to skip over it because most of the time I have no idea what you're talking about. lol.

Secondly, I know it's not my place to give you relationship advice but it is my opinion that maybe what you need after your entire fiasco is just a bit of harmless fun. An affair with someone you can have a laugh with but not get serious with. Might be good for you.

It's sad that you're leaving your house though, I love that place and if we could, Josh and I would gladly come and live with you so that you could keep it. But we can't really afford it, and we both work miles away from poole. It's all just inconvinient for us. Also it' looks like both Josh and I will be made redundent pretty soon. With everybody strugling to make money staff are being let go. In fact it looks like we may have to move back to mum's for a while as well. That will be weird, all of us under the same roof again. Lol
 
Subject:None
User:Ashley (allsorts46)
Date:Thursday, 29th January, 2009 05:58 am
Options:Reply | Thread
So does everybody else, it seems (except my not-so-mysterious commenter). Oh well.

I welcome your advice, but no, that's not for me. I'm morally opposed to 'harmless fun' relationships. It's just not what I want.

Yes... it's a shame if we have to leave here. I'd be happy for you to take Graham's place, but it doesn't look likely; you'd both have to work full time to keep it up. Maybe your suggestion that Graham might stay if your living here made it easier for him financially is possible... we'll have to see. If not, we might be best of helping each other out and finding a smaller and more affordable place to share. We can't all go back to our parents, that place isn't very big and there aren't enough rooms. I can probably find myself another flat, but... lol, I'd rather not. Suppose I've got used to a little more luxury :P.
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